Wives, Submit! (And Pass the Ketchup)

-By BonbonLemon

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

  Ephesians 5:22-24

Since getting married, Katrina and I have developed a recurring "dialogue" that goes something like this:

BonbonLemon: *scanning fridge* Where's the ketchup?

HappyHippo: It's right there, in the door.

BonbonLemon: *Looks, sort of* I don't see it.

HappyHippo: Look down.

BonbonLemon: *Looks down* Here?

UnhappyHippo: DOWN!

BonbonLemon: Oh, got it. Thanks.

I’ve realized this isn't just a "us" thing. I asked my sister-in-law what she does when her husband can't find something, and her immediate response was "OPEN YOUR EYES!" (in Cantonese to make it more intense)

And it's not just ketchup. I used to leave my butter knives "upside-down" to dry. I forget to turn off lights when leaving the house. I walk past trash bags conveniently left next to the stairs. I stick my hand into family-sized chip bags.

This brings me to Ephesians 5. It’s a passage that can feel like wives are getting the short end of the stick.

While I think we can agree that the mildly aggressive comments about ketchup or trash bags aren't exactly the "submission" Paul had in mind, "submit in everything" sounds incredibly heavy and has always left me feeling uneasy.

HOWEVER, Paul doesn't leave the husbands off the hook. In fact, he gives us an even heavier command. After telling wives to submit, I used to expect the next verse to say, "Husbands, lead!" Instead, Paul says in verse 25:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

So what's the application of this command? What would it mean to love my wife in these ketchup catastrophes? While the Bible gives us the command, it doesn't always give us the manual. It doesn't tell me exactly how to handle a chore-related dispute.

So for myself, when I receive a scolding for my domestic denseness, though I would like to be defensive and question her tone, I instead ask myself, "Would that be a loving response to my wife?"

If I am supposed to love my wife as Christ loved the church, sacrificially, patiently, and with a goal of her sanctification, is a defensive argument the "loving" response? Definitely not.

Instead, loving my wife means seeking to understand her frustration. It means actually taking the trash out when I see it. It means drying the knives the way she likes. It means putting my pride aside to meet her reasonable expectations.

So to all the wives: On behalf of husbands everywhere, I’m sorry we can be "blind" to the ketchup. We can, and should, love you better so that it is easy for you to respect and submit to us.