DC: When God Calls the Sleeping Heart

-By DC

The Sleeping Heart

“I sleep, but my heart is awake.” (Song 5:2)

A large bulk of my Christian faith has/is lukewarm. From being the occasional CEO (Christmas and Easter Only), to wrestling with spiritual apathy throughout the week after Sunday services. In a lot of these seasons my heart towards God has been asleep, going through the motions, being complacent in comfort, and drifting into spiritual dullness.

In the seasons of spiritual sleep, my desire and internal longing for God is still present, but how does one go about awakening their sleeping heart to renew intimacy and trust with God? And more importantly, how does one sustain that awakened heart in continued faith from collapse or burn out?

Honest Confession

“I had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them?” (Song 5:3)

In my reflection, the first crack of awakening was the raw honesty of confession of my passiveness and laziness in faith. I was unwilling, I was comfortable, I was/am spiritually passive, I did not want to get up and move towards God. The continuation of going through the routines remained, but God had a plan in his pursuit.

The Cost of Delay

“I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. My soul failed me when he spoke. I sought him, but found him not. I called him, but he gave no answer.” (Song 5:6)

In any season of comfort, the Lord our God could easily flip that stability upside down. With my cancer diagnosis, it brought in a season of uncertainty, fear, and pain. My initial period of treatment was the toughest, from the sudden shock, the lack of what I had control of, and of the anxiety of what comes next. My lukewarm, half-hearted initial attempts with God and finding comfort in pain medications and earthly treatments (that at one point no longer worked), further delayed in the development of a deeper desire, faith, and relationship with him.

Choosing to Respond

“The watchmen found me as they went about in the city; they beat me, they bruised me, they took away my veil, and those watchmen of the walls.” (Song 5:7)

But in reflection, that period of the most excruciating pain that has ever been beaten into me, became a pivotal moment where I fully surrendered to God, and not just half-heartedly, but truly giving it all up. From relinquishing control of my life, my family, and everything in itself and leaving it in his hands – and like Job, to continue praise and have faith in him even in those moments of what could appear as his silence, dealing with pain, and the uncertainty of what could happen next.

God My Beloved and Desire

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grove. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.” (Song 8:6-7)

God pursued the heart that slept, the faith that faltered, the soul that drifted, reminding me and as a testament to others, that even a small spark of longing can be fanned into a flame. In reflection, the real glory is not to be given in putting my cancer in remission, but instead towards the transformation of my sleeping heart – my desires, thoughts and motivations to be more aligned with God, and to remind me in my faith to see my life as fully his.

The One Who Wakes You and Keeps You Awake

My moment of awakened faith has come and passed me by, and staying awake to this new rhythm in my heart has been this season’s challenge. While not as dramatic as cancer, it’s been more slow, relational, and intentional. In practical application for me, it’s been staying honest with God and reading scripture to be close to his voice.

In close, I would invite you to reflect where in your life your faith is asleep and have an honest conversation with God. In that I pray that there would be a desire that would stir within you to respond to God’s awakening call.