Jaimelynn: Taking a Step in Faith

-By Jaimelynn

Matthew 14:29-31

29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 

When I read the story of Peter and Jesus on the water, I thought, ‘If I was in that situation I’d probably be able to trust God and walk to him on the water. It’s my purpose to know and love God, and glorify Him, of course I would be able to!’ But many of God’s teachings are easier said than done.

In my current season, God has been growing my faith and teaching me to depend on Him. And most times it’s not comfortable, maybe even painful. It’s my desire to follow God’s plan for my life, because I love God and trust that He knows what is best for me. But when the trials come, I quickly turn to pray and hope that God will help, save, or comfort me from the situation. Despite it also being my prayer to walk in His will and to follow His plans. God answers my prayer by comforting me through peace in my mind or an experience I have shortly after. Like when I pray to God about feeling lonely and overwhelmed, he’ll sometimes bless me with a visit from my cats, and I feel seen, comforted, and loved. 

In the past couple of years, my anxiety and depression have risen to paralyzing levels. I’ll be in a tough spot, pray, feel better, but continue to ignore my problems. Filling my time with work, serving at church, family or friend duties, hobbies, and various other things to the point of not having time for anything else. This makes me feel productive, and in my mind I’m convinced that I’m doing good. But I am not doing what God is calling me to, allowing my anxieties and fears to continue to build up. Then I repeat the cycle, praying about my problems, but not taking that step in faith to partner with God in resolving them.

I’ve allowed myself to be strangled by my fears, even though I say and believe I trust God. Becoming unable to do even simple tasks like opening mail, taking breaks, answering phone calls or texts. From the outside it makes no sense why I’m struggling. I feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and sad because I want to give God my all, but I don’t feel like I have much left to give. 

Matthew 17:20 

20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

The future looks bleak with bills piling up, constantly having mental breakdowns, feeling that my mind is about to explode with every task and event added to my calendar. And if I don’t take a step forward soon I could lose my home at any moment. All my deadlines past due, I’m in the negative, my health taking a drastic downturn, but I still have faith and trust in God. So with each day I try to take a step, just one. And whether or not I land it, I have been blessed to see that God still holds me in His hand. It’s hard for me to imagine that I will ever resurface from the ocean of responsibilities and problems I’m drowning in, but God has been pulling me up and will keep me afloat.  

I still set out way too many goals sometimes, then get myself down when I don’t meet expectations, feeling like a failure. But God continues to hold me in His hand, guiding and growing me in my faith with each step. Healing me from the constant feeling of shame, knowing and trusting that God has good plans and loves me. Love is not always in the watering and fertilizing, but also the pruning and transferring that can cause a plant initial stress, but will produce stronger and healthier growth overall.  

I can understand Peter a bit better, taking those first steps, feeling completely amazed, then having doubt the next moment, and falling again. It’s my encouragement for you today, to come to God in prayer, humbly and honestly, not trying to be strong or perfect in front of Him, for he knows us and our situations. And if you’re already there, take that next step. Maybe it’s taking a shower, making a tough call or decision, or writing down all the things that are floating in your mind. I pray that you’ll be reminded that God is with you every step of the way, He loves you and has good plans for you. 

Jeremiah 29:11-14

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.